It’s 2:16 a.m. as I sit down to write. I shared a post on facebook tonight and I cannot sleep as I ask the Lord to examine my heart and here is what is burning in my soul.

Derick Chauvin kneeling on the neck of George Floyd is nothing but evil. Countless black lives murdered over the centuries due to racism is nothing but evil. Police officers getting shot  is pure evil. As I look to the Lord asking him to examine my heart this is what I see. Against the Lord alone have I sinned and done evil in His sight. Before the Lord I am just as evil. When I look at the Lord I feel like the apostle Paul who called himself the worst of sinners. My selfishness, my pride, my bitterness, my control all of these things are pure evil in the Lords sight. I am nothing but a wretch of a sinner. However, God in the depths of his love has poured out his mercy on me and his new everyday.

You see 9 years ago Jesus came to me when for the first time I saw the wickedness of my sin before God who alone is holy.  I had an Isaiah 6 moment. I saw I deserved God’s full wrath for all eternity for the evil I had done in his sight. All of my sin had been against the Lord and He was good to give me his just wrath for all eternity for the evil I had committed in his sight. BUT then like I said at the start of this paragraph Jesus had come to me. Jesus opened my eyes to see a glimpse of his radiant glory and He was telling me to come to him. His heart was full of compassion as well as the heart of the Father who had sent his only Son to make a way for me to be cleansed from all my unrighteousness in the sight of the Lord. It was Gods mercy and kindness that led me to repentance and I trusted Jesus as my Lord and Savior for the first time. Jesus offered and gave me his righteousness for the justification of my sin.

Galations 2:20 has become my life verse. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” I fall short daily but God’s grace is greater still. I grieve my sin I still commit. I grieve the loss of so many black people over the centuries due to racism. I grieve my ignorance for so long. I grieve friends and family divided and attacking each other. I grieve for wives of police officers now. I grieve for our nation. I grieve for the billions of loved ones who have yet to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. I grieve.

Even though I grieve I have hope. My hope is nothing this world can offer. My hope is in Jesus Christ alone. Jesus is my treasure. I have this treasure in a jar of clay and I pray I can share this hope that is from God and not myself(2 Corinthians 4:7 paraphrased). I pray His people can bring glory to His name in proclaiming the mysteries of the gospel in all the earth acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with the Lord.

Grace and Peace,



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